The Wink

This was last week:

A harried just-before-closing trip to the pediatrician revealed that it was just a cold. I’ll be honest, there is no “just a cold” with your last baby, even though she isn’t really a baby anymore. There is no “just a cold” when the margins are so whisper thing at home and work. There is no “just a cold” when the coughing in the night brings gagging, weeping and more durations of sleep measured in minutes rather than hours.

I left feeling sheepish, angry and filled with a relief that made tears threaten. 48 hours later we bundled up for a play date with friends unafraid of “just a cold,” later the same day the grandparents arrived; both events had us all falling over ourselves to occupy the space inside of the delight. We shucked our worry and our whining, and peeled everything back but the gratitude to be with people who enjoy us and  love us.

Sitting here today thinking that time with friends and family is just right.

It’s a day of clichés, melancholy and forgetfulness. I’m pretty ambivalent about Valentine’s Day, but if it gives us a chance to consider love, then I tip to the side of liking it. Here are a few things I’ve learned over the last few years.

Love is working at seeing eye to eye.

Love is taking the time to surprise.

Love is getting tangled up in each other.

Love is remembering to touch.

Love is knowing and adoring every part of a person.

Love is weathering what may come.

Love is sharing.

Love is fostering hope.

Love is telling the truth.

Love is confidence.

Love is diving in.

Love is working hard at a kiss.

Types of kisses with Finley(video)

Love is…

I’ve been not wanting to get sucked into the fray, whether it’s politics, celebrity death or social media missteps. It got me to thinking that what really matters is what is closer to home. I can’t influence any of the other things unless I start at home.

Am I being kind?

Am I being honest?

Is the direction I am steering correct?

Are things that shouldn’t matter distracting me?

On a lark I looked back a year, a year to the date to be exact. The lesson I was learning then is a priceless one for me to re-embrace and share now, as I know so many other people who are struggling. Let’s try and be tender ourselves so that we might be better equipped to do the same for others.

365 days ago.

There’s been a lot in the news about the Komen/Planned Parenthood debacle. I am not going to go in to any of the political issues, I think there is enough of that out there. I think the thing we should all take away from this is quite plain:

Have a hand in it. Whatever your *it* is, see it through. Don’t leave it up to other people.

As I watch my girls, not yet bound by the manacles of “I-have-to-do-it-the-way-other-kids-are-doing-it,” I see what it is to keep hold of the reins of what is dear to you. They never approach a situation and look for something to be done for them (ok, maybe snacks and cleaning up). They believe they can do things, they doggedly pursue the ends that they seek. They embellish doll houses to make castles, they mix foods and drinks to create colors and tastes. They turn out lights to not kill the earth. They write letters to Peter Pan~

They believe, both in themselves and what they think is right. They don’t expect things to get done the way they want them by other people. They would never put all their hope in the basket of another person if it meant something to them.

If you want to support a cause, support a cause.*

Do it deliberately.

Do it directly.

If you want to help low income women, go to the most local source of help for them.

If you want to join a cause, do it at their door not as an add on at the check out.

If you want accountability, start with yourself.

I’m not saying that donation cans and branded, cause-related products are a waste. I am saying that if it means that much to you, then you damn well better take the steps to make sure that your effort, be it money, word of mouth or hope, go to where you want them to go.

Own the ends you seek.

*Susan died today. I will never stop carrying her message.