The Wink is a labor of love, occasional source of ire and constantly influenced by the toddlywinks in my life- my daughters. There's also the HunkyWink. You'll read all about them as The Wink unfolds. Please feel free to wink back!

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Sitting Down with Slouching Mom

I am cross-posting this at Tumble Dry.

I read blogs. They're funny, intelligent, brilliant, poignant, honest, inspirational, authentic, passionate, crafty, consistently cool, unflinchingly direct, dear, endlessly readable, and their authors have come to be my friends.

I am not a master commenter, I tend to read and skip, read and skip. I know the majority of bloggers track their hits and know when I've been by, or if not me exactly, they know that has been on. Yet I know how precious comments can be, so I do try to slow down enough to leave them when I can.

One name that is always there, no matter the blog and no matter my number in the line of commenters, Slouching Mom. She and I exchanged emails one night as she tried to determine which of my blogs she should read. At the time I'd been a bit taken aback, "Why can't she read both? Am I not worth it? Is the writing quality on one not as strong as on the other?" Now that I know the scope of her reading terrain, I am honored to have her at all.

Recently she posted an entry of the memish variety, involving an interview. She offered to send out questions if readers were interested, knowing the questions would be well thought out and specific to each person I raised my hand. So, without further ado, my interview with Sarah minus, coffee and chortling kids.

Sarah- How on earth do you manage to run two blogs, and why do you maintain two blogs? How would you describe the differences between them?

A wing and a prayer? Seriously, I began Life with Briar, now Tumble Dry, as a way of sharing photos and stories with my family back on the West Coast. It was also a stand-in for the baby journaling I was so woefully remiss in doing. Although truth be told I always knew I wouldn't keep up with the baby journal, even as I forked over twenty dollar bill after twenty dollar bill at Hallmark and company. The second, The Wink was to be less, Briar is now a 3T and potty trained, Avery is a 2T and growing molars by the second, and more, well, more something. Turns out I like writing about my girls, Sean and life, on both blogs. I think it might kill me to say goodbye to one of them, perhaps someone could teach me how to merge them...hint hint.

I still believe they are distinct in that Tumble Dry continues to be written as if my grandfather were still reading it and The Wink is slightly more irreverent, and on occasion, profane. My stories tend to be more tender on Tumble Dry, though tenderness happens on The Wink too.

Sarah - You have two lovely girls, and now you're pregnant again. Are you hoping for a boy? Is Sean? Why or why not?

No official hopes for one gender over the other, just the standard 10 and 10 and devoid of our worst characteristics. Though it seems to me a girl would be easier, if only by avoiding the messiness you moms-of-boys describe with the pee sprays. I suspect Sean would love to see a little boy in a Sox cap, but the truth is our girls look cute in caps and do just fine in the rough-housing department.

Sarah - What music are you listening to these days?

Oof. I try not to talk about this because I am definitely sort of a C student when it comes to music. I like it, I sing along, I bob my head, but I get lyrics and names wrong. There is a song Sean put on disc for me, two actually, that I adore. I am certain they were a discovery of sorts when he did it, but are played out now. We call one of them (we being the girls and I) the Fairy Song. I think it's Lori McKenna with the lead singer from REM in the background and the other is a woman singing a song that Sean tells me is called, Bubbly.

Sarah - What were you like when you were Briar's age? Do you see yourself more in Avery or in Briar?

What was I like at Briar's age? Boy, I'm not sure. My parents were not yet divorced, I was an only child and my mom stayed home. I think it was one of the simplest and purest times of my life. I loved playing outside and reading. I'd like to think that I had her sparkle.

I see my physical strength in both girls, the echo of the lines of my body as they slip through a doorway, the curve of muscle as they stretch for a toy. I think I see a lot of my rigid belief in right and wrong in Briar, which tugs at me, it is something that will lead her on a noble path, but will cause heartache as she realizes that other people do not operate using the same playbook. And Avery, Avery is everything I have ever wished I could be, it is as if every daydream I ever had myself has come true through her. Ultimately, I hope I can see myself in both of them, better and stronger.

Sarah - Sean seems like a loving and involved father. Describe what you believe to be his finest parenting moment thus far.

And the pregnancy hormones come in with a rush and send me weeping. Touche, following up such a direct question about my girls with this about Sean. He is magnificent. I don't know if there is one moment that I can call out, rather there are so many times that I've been in the kitchen making dinner and I've heard him singing to the girls. I creep slowly to the doorway and there they'll be, Sean, guitar on his knee, smiling as Avery gently strums along, Briar stands, swaying to the music and watching his lips, learning the words as she mimicks him. It is a thing to behold, and each time I revisit in a blur all the bends and dips in the road, that led us to now, and I am rocked by how very right it is.

Thank you, Sarah. I so enjoyed answering these questions.

If you are reading this and would like to take a turn yourself, let me know, and I'll send a few your way.

Friday, September 28, 2007

The Quest Continues

I've read other bloggers refer to posting the content of spam emails as a tired, cop-out of sorts. And while I have found the odd priceless missive of spam love, I tend to agree. I hope the following will be the blogosphere embraced exception to the rule as it isn't technically spam, though it is reposting someone else's words.

You see I am still trying to find maternity clothing. I have taken some of your advice, sweet readers-of-mine, and I've ordered from Old Navy, while my mom swooped in and called me, credit card in hand and Gap Maternity online in front of her and made a purchase. I have also been dipping my toe in the Ebay waters morass. I find that I loathe the competition, as I suffer the thrift store sticker shock, for example:

This pair of EUC Gap size 8 Long Flare Leg jeans open at $5 and carry a S&H charge of $9.99, bidding ends in 7 days.

I gasp at the shipping and handling, shake my head at the 7 days of bidding and move on.

This pair of NWOT Gap size 8 Straight Leg jeans start at $1 and carry a S&H of $6, bidding ends in 2 days 1 hour

This I approve of, and enter a maximum bid of $11.22.

I get a confirmation email.

An hour later, with 2 days of bidding left, I am outbid. I glare at the screen.

The current winning bid is $11.50.


I angrily punch in $16.75.

I get an email confirming my bid.

Before bed I check my email.

You have been outbid, the current winning bid is $17.01. Try bidding again!

That would be $23.01, I think sputtering. Now mind you that is still far less than anything I could find in a store, but I am offended, like pat my chest feverishly offended. It's just exhausting, and I would totally give up were it not for listings like this:

It a bed dream!!! ,When you during pregnant all of your body;womb,cup of the breast,arm and leg have enlarge.Although you wear any dresses,you have gone trouble.Thence you lose yourself-confidence and you don't want anyone to see you.Now we have the best way to bring it back.You just stay home and choose it!!.

Our dresses was design by designer who have more effective and experience to create ours dress.Our dresses is suitable for women who pregnant.

We choose only high quality materials. Ours dress was design to elastic and match with your body.That can show up yourself and help to keep your demerit.Our price is cheaper than the market value.That's specail for you to celebrate my new store.Please try to trust with our dress,then you will know it not problem when you pregnant,you can look great.


This price is special for my first stock only !!!!!

Item Description

This top have cord to adjust your bust ,make from good chiffon red and white color and big dot .
This top suitable for women who pregnant first conceive interval until you deliver.
This top suitable for indoors everyday and outdoors picnic,shopping.(look lively )

Call me crazy, but I kind of love this shirt. I can't decide what to do, but I may just frame this description.


Thursday, September 27, 2007

Well Color Me Tickled

For four years we've lived in this house, taking it from neglected and dated, to energy star approved and aesthetically enhanced. We ran the cable for the wiring, stuffed insulation in walls, hung drywall and valiantly tried to tape and mud ourselves. We repainted and reroofed, resided and replaned. We have landscaped and laid stone for a patio. We've installed babygates and all other manner of baby protective-type gear throughout the house. It has been our sole mission to provide a safe and wonderful environment for ourselves and our girls.

The only thing that has been damnably out of our control has been the driving around our neighborhood. Day after day the same jack asses run the stop sign, staring back at our condemning gazes defiantly, often hitting the gas and smiling as they speed through our toddler populated neighborhood. The same jerks drive drunk and use our street as a cut-through.

No one ever gets pulled over. Ever.

Until today.

And all I can say is, It's about fucking time GFPD!


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Take This Boob and Shove It

Funny, I thought after one too many chest heaving arguments in college, I'd given up my in-your-face activism. I was wrong, thanks Facebook, for turning me into a total blowhard...suck-hard.

I am proudly joining the ranks of smart , witty, courageous, brilliant women all over the internet

It seems that no matter the public disdain, I just can't seem to keep my girls buttoned up. This boob's for you, Facebook.


Tuesday, September 25, 2007

No Pressure

I continue to be alternately staggered and inspired by the responsibility and energy of living my life in their bright-eyed gaze.


Sunday, September 23, 2007

What the hell, Macy's?

Ok, back from the trauma of another round of agonizing molar surfacing in the normally-sweet-during-daylight-hours of my twinkle-berry Avery, who turns into a roaring, whailing, thrashing bundle of fury at night. Thank you for your comforting words and pearls of ibuprofen and teething tablet wisdom, alas all that works is the breast, the oh-my-god-I-forgot-how-searingly-hot-the-tenderness-of-my-breasts-during-pregnancy could be.

The girls are napping now and I have been trolling the internet for maternity clothes that do not cost more than our monthly car payment. I popped over to Macy's, no because I know them for being cheap, but because an ad popped up and I am so bleary eyed at this point I am susceptible to things that would normally go unnoticed. Unfamiliar with the navigation of the site I simply typed "maternity" into the search bar. I had no idea Macy's could piss me off, but check it out, they did!

Do you think this should have come up?

Did it work? Did you see the category?


Am I overly hormonal? WTF?
Sure, why not?
But Junior?
Come on!





Every 25 minutes for the last five nights.

Must sleep. Help.


Friday, September 21, 2007

Not just adults, parents.

I have a confession to make, I have been bit of an ostrich, not like a, "What do you mean George W. Bush sent us into a war that was pure folly? He's protecting our country." ostrich, more like a, "You mean the OJ thing is a set-up?" kind of ostrich. Yeah, I know, both are pretty thick, but I feel like I can talk to you on that level.

Sean and I have never broached the issue of life insurance. I think, and again, I realize that this won't paint me in the kindest light, but I think we've both been to afraid to face the issue of mortality, particluarly as we've grown our own family and come to realize that we are one another's best defense.

He is the person I call when I am hurt or angry. He is the person who takes my verbal and physical pummeling when it seems as if the only way to deal with life's injustices is through a tantrum. He strokes my hair and kisses my brow when I wish the adage about never being able to go home again weren't so goddamn true. He is there when no one else could ever be enough, and I try to do the same for him. So to talk about not being, we've just not had the courage.

Until now, together and breathless as another life grows inside of me. As we huddle with our girls and whisper delicious secrets about the days and years to come, about family trips and special birthdays, about big sisters and little sisters and about our family. We've finally done it, we've talked about the what if of no longer.

Next week we meet with our insurance guru, one of two brothers who grew up on the very street we are raising our girls. We will answer the medical questions and address the financial needs of a surviving spouse, though it feels for all the world that if I lost him I would be anything but surviving.

I suppose the upside of the terror in this step is the depth of love and blessing it means we have in our life together. Just the same, I've like to toast to evermore.

Go hug the ones you love, ok?


Thursday, September 20, 2007

Polar Bear Club or Blue Popsicle?


Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Here I go again.

As if the Facebook and Bill Maher didn't get me riled enough, I've gone and put up another mad-as-a-hornet post at Moms Speak Up. Please check it out.


Tuesday, September 18, 2007


Monday, September 17, 2007

Hey Facebook, Suck it

And MySpace, that goes to you too.

Izzy's got me all fired up again. Apparently Facebook has ordered photos of breastfeeding* women striken from the site.

The 350 pro-anorexia sites listed? They can stay.

Well, after reading a prompt to post about this I thought the best thing I could do is this, share these photos from Susan Blackburn, a wonderful photographer who took these as we were setting up for a photo shoot.

My breast.

My baby.

My blog.

Your shame.

*For the record, this post has nothing to do with how I feel about whether or not a woman chooses to breastfeed. In the same way that my posting this is my choice, so too is whether or not to breastfeed for each woman with each of her children.

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Dollar Store Newbie


And the day I was there I also saw Ovulation Predictor Kits, something tells me that should also go on the "Do not buy at the dollar store" list.

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Just Point and Shoot

Unless of course you are too riveted to the scene of twenty or so kids running around in loosely controlled mayhem to celebrate your first-born child's birthday. I have a couple of blurry, back of the head shots and a weak battery to show in the way of pictures from yesterday's 3rd birthday extravaganza.

And you know what? I'm thrilled about it. There are certain moments in life that are better lived inside of themselves. So, in this world of sharing the technicolor glory of each moment let me say this, it was magic. Pure magic.


Thursday, September 13, 2007

There She Goes Again

She being me, and there being here. I posted over at Moms Speak Up. Check it out, won't you?


Wednesday, September 12, 2007

It's Hard Work

Being a princess is exhausting.


Monday, September 10, 2007

Well, I'll be damned

I can't find the words.

I am all abuzz with emotions and yet try as I might, I can't seem to articulate them.

I ache to share this sensation, this lightness of being. I want people reading this to close their eyes, take a deep breath and remember a time before knowing, a time before worries and burdens, of your own and the world, weighed you down. I want to conjure first kisses and last dances, chasing dreams and catching snowflakes.

It's butterflies and giddy breathlessness, amidst potty training and the agonizing arrival of two-year molars. Across a cottage cheese speckled table and between soppy post-bath towels, I am deleriously smitten. Stolen kisses over sleeping heads and holding hands after kissing away night terrors.

I'm not sure when it happened or just how it came to pass, but the unmistakable truth is that I've fallen for Sean all over again.

I was mighty blue
Thought my life was through
'Til the heavens opened
And I gazed at you

Won't you tell me, dear
Why, when you appear,
Something happens to me
And the strangest feeling goes through me?

You do something to me
Something that simply mystifies me
Tell me, why should it be,
You have the power to hypnotize me?

Let me live 'neath your spell
Do do that voodoo that you do so well
For you do something to me
That nobody else could do


Sunday, September 9, 2007

7 Days

Seven days until Briar's birthday.
There is so much to live up to, and yet, I fear it's all my own stuff. Briar will be fine with pink streamers, a pink cake and some things to unwrap. And she'll have more, I am imaginative and energetic, willing to hang from trees or paint my nose, these have never been my problems.

This is about me. It's not a great feeling, a little like the obnoxious parents screaming from the bleachers, demanding that the coaches take a kid out. This is about yearning. Wanting to belong and wanting to have. It's about the cake not falling and the sky not clouding. It's wishing for perfection and missing, that by taking a deep breath I'd see, that perfection stands before me, waiting with open arms.

This week I'll go and I'll buy princess accoutrements, I'll order the frothy pink cake and I'll knock on the doors of our neighbors.
This week I'll breathe deep and see perfection and when the time comes I'll look into the eyes of my sweet baby and see the dazzling reflection of candles and joy.

*Updated to add that I still welcome all birthday ingenuity you care to share.


Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Traveling Anger

I couldn't help myself, I've got a post up here. It's a great new blog, with a fascinating group of women writing passionately. Check it out.


Monday, September 3, 2007

Before no more

Been chasing rainbows and kissing butterflies.
Riding piggyback and rubbing noses.
Cause lately it's just too clear, how fast it'll all go.

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee,
Little jackie paper loved that rascal puff,
And brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff. oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee.

Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail
Jackie kept a lookout perched on puffs gigantic tail,
Noble kings and princes would bow wheneer they came,
Pirate ships would lower their flag when puff roared out his name. oh!

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee.

A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.
One grey night it happened, jackie paper came no more
And puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.

His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain,
Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane.
Without his life-long friend, puff could not be brave,
So puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave. oh!

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee.

Don't you forget to play and love.

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