The Wink is a labor of love, occasional source of ire and constantly influenced by the toddlywinks in my life- my daughters. There's also the HunkyWink. You'll read all about them as The Wink unfolds. Please feel free to wink back!

Friday, November 27, 2009

Waffling Part 2

When last I wrote: I also peed. A little, tiny bit, but still. Pee. So I kept running, until...

And so as I rounded the corner and began running in earnest, I realized just how raspy my throat was and a sense of panic almost set in as I wondered how long until I go water. I faltered, my steps slowed and I lunge walked, not wanting to stop, but also not wanting to push too hard too soon.

I lifted my head and saw a car and immediately thought: Water! But it was even better:

Sean and the girls were camped out with water and hugs. I ran to them, grabbed water and knelt down to hug each of them. Fin didn't want me to go on, or if I was going to, she wanted to come. Other runners giggled and called out hello as I ushered her back to the van, blew kisses and kept running.

Not sure if Ave was crossing her fingers hoping I'd make it or what.

My gait was longer and my chest was lighter as I ran, the girls' calls of "Go mama," and "Run, win the race" shepherded me on and I kept a respectable pace as I forged through the next mile and a half of curves and high-traffic roads (read: Lot's of people watching us run from their cars, porches and gas pumps.)

Sean had hooked me up with his iPhone and some magic Nike product or another which was letting me know my pace and how far I'd gone. Simple math kept me knowing how far I had to go, which was nice. The spread was pretty even with the head of the pack keeping consistent with their insane 6 minute-mileness and those making up the caboose doing about a 14 minute mile. I kept myself right in the middle and honestly, just tried not to vomit or have pee run visibly down my leg.

At one point at about mile 5 I said to Tara, "So, I think I can officially say that I have peed," to which she replied very unimpressed, "It isn't a good race unless you pee." It was at that precise moment when I knew that I loved her.

The iPhone stopped tracking me 41 minutes into the run, which meant that for 18 minutes I was on my own, off the grid so to speak. It was agony. Lesson: use the conveniences and luxury technology affords you, you still sweat, but you don't fear.

We ran through a mile and a half of neighborhood, I remember thinking how odd it must be to be going about your day and seeing this motley group of running nuts zip their way through. As the checkpoints with cheerful teenagers calling out "Good job" grew closer together I knew I was nearly done. I started running faster and I smiled. I had started the race torn between thinking I could and knowing I couldn't.

The front of the school was packed with people. I dug my feet in more with each step as early-finishers cheered me on. The final stretch was a curved driveway right in front and as I kicked to the finish I thought of nothing but doing.

Completing a 10 k race.
Making it up that f*cking hill.
Being brave even though I was scared.
My girls watching me do it.

Sean met me at the end and smiled as FInley leapt into my arms. I held her tight as the big girls danced around me singing, "You won, you won the race!" My legs could barely hold me, my arms were weak, my pants were wet and I couldn't remember ever having felt so exquisitely happy.

I began to cry. He had said, "I want you to have that too," and I did. It was bliss.

Go do something for you.
I want you to have that too.
Come back and tell me about it, I know you can do it.




Blogger Lindsey said...

You are so right to exhort us all to do something for ourselves - and to point out what an excellent lesson it is for our children to see.
Thank you!

November 27, 2009 1:57:00 PM PST

Blogger Anne said...

A great story. Good for you, good for the girls!!

November 27, 2009 4:58:00 PM PST

Blogger karen said...

10k! You should be very proud! I ran a 5k once (I am NOT a runner but got roped into doing a Corporate Challenge at the last minute). At the end of it, the only thing I wanted to do on this earth was see my fiancee, who was waiting for me at the end of the race. That was when I was sure he was the guy for me...and it was nice timing on the certainty, as our wedding was three weeks after the race! As I never plan to marry again, I never plan to run in a race again. I'll stick to hockey!

November 27, 2009 5:38:00 PM PST

Blogger Pgoodness said...

You are my hero. It's entirely possible you could motivate me to run 100 miles with this post. Good for you!!

November 27, 2009 8:08:00 PM PST

Blogger flutter said...

God, Amanda. You just inspire the hell out of me, you make me feel brave right along with you. I just love you, so much

November 27, 2009 8:12:00 PM PST

Blogger sam {temptingmama} said...

Yay Amanda!! That's so great! I am in awe, jealous and SO! Fecking! happy for you! Congratulations!!!


November 27, 2009 8:20:00 PM PST

Blogger Heather said...

Oh Lord, I'm crying happy tears for you.

November 27, 2009 8:42:00 PM PST

Blogger Lisa Wheeler Milton said...

I cried today at the end of a awesome Zumba set and felt ridiculous but I've been away for 5 weeks, and in a lot of pain lately and I was beginning to wonder if I'll ever get back.

Funny how those tears flow, mixed in with the adrenaline.

You continue to inspire me.

November 27, 2009 9:38:00 PM PST

Blogger Maggie, Dammit said...


November 28, 2009 5:45:00 AM PST

Blogger Jenn said...


In tears reading this.

And inspired, my mind far more inspired than my legs or kidney, but still.


November 29, 2009 11:58:00 AM PST

Blogger The Muehli's said...

Congratulations! You totally brought me to tears...and inspired me to find something to take on that will give me that bliss too. Thanks for the great post

November 29, 2009 1:44:00 PM PST

OpenID meglessard said...

Congratulations on your 10K. What a huge achievement! Us readers will have to aspire to a worthy goal now!

November 30, 2009 3:32:00 PM PST

Blogger Crystal D said...

YOU ROCK! Seriously, you rock. I am so inspired. I do not run. I do however have a treadmill that was cleaned off last week in case I feel inspired. You did it. Tomorrow, I will move.
Very cool. I want to run for my girls to see too. I can run. I do not run, but I think I can.

November 30, 2009 8:10:00 PM PST

Blogger Lora said...

peeing is totally acceptable for anyone in a 10K, anyone who has given birth can pee freely in a 5K.


I think it's wonderful that you are involving your girls and bringing them to your races. Now they can see that their mommy can do this, and they know that they can do something like this when they get a little older too.

Great job!

February 22, 2010 6:26:00 AM PST


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